What The Hell Is Chris Watching Now? – DON’T F*** IN THE WOODS (2016)

**SPOILER & NSFW Warnings Up Front, Fright Fans!**

Through out the history of horror cinema, there have been many films, from the auspicious to the aspiring, that have used the directive of “Don’t” in their titles. This fraternity of fright includes such features as:

  • Don’t Torture A Duckling (1972)
  • Don’t Look Now (1973)
  • Don’t Go In The Basement (1973)
  • Don’t Go In The House (1979)
  • Don’t Go In The Woods (1981)
  • Don’t Breathe (2006) and Don’t Breathe 2 (2021)

There was such a plethora of them that Edgar Wright found it to be worthy of a mock trailer that was featured in 2007’s Grindhouse:

But in 2016, Shawn Burkett had the vision and the balls to put out a “Don’t” title that stood out of this crowd: Don’t Fuck In The Woods!

Every horror fan knows of the classic troupe of sins and vices (i.e., sex, drugs, etc.) that will make you a prime target to most killers and monsters in a horror movie. So why not just say so? The plot involves a group of college friends celebrating graduation by planning a weekend of debauchery in the woods, fueled by booze, weed, and hormones.

Our opening couple, Luke (Scott Gillespie) and Meg (Brandy Mason) get in the tent, and things become intense as a creature attacks out of the dark and mutilates them. This ended up being a bonus to the budget because Scott would be in the creature suit throughout the film!

We then meet the rest of the gang of grads, each helping to fill in some of the cliche’ archetypes we know and love. Efforts fail at first to locate Luke and Meg, but that doesn’t lessen the libidos as the sunsets. Turns out the creature is drawn by the scent of sex. Literally. And you’re not even safe to take matters into your own hands as a pervy hiker learned while spying on some of the ladies at a swimming hole.

From there, the film rolls on with an increasing body count, some fun pop culture winks and references, and as much gore as they could afford. With a runtime of just over an hour, I encourage you to check this out over on Tubi TV, especially if you are a fellow HoopToberer and need an “In The Woods” selection for your list.

If you wish to dive deeper into this one (and I do!), Shawn Burkett made a documentary about the film. The documentary is actually longer than the film and covers the controversy and issues created by going with this title.

Sadly, the documentary has only been out on the festival circuit and not available for streaming. But here’s hoping that changes soon. Because there’s also a sequel out there from 2018 that’s only on festival circuit, too! (The trailer is age restricted and only available on YouTube, or I would share it here.)

Don’t miss your chance to see this! Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this page and the podcast! Don’t forget to be a great human! And most of all . . .

DON’T FUCK IN THE WOODS!!!

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